It’s complicated! It’s the typical love-hate relationship. It’s a case study for couple counseling. It’s ultimately fascinating! Well, for me at least! We’ve been together ever since primary school. On and off, but we were always within reach, calling each other up when we needed it. Well, it was mostly me doing that…
Now that I think about it, writing was one of the few reasons I was treated as prodigy child. I wasn’t one, I was simply smarter than some, had talents others didn’t and was less of a menace than most. But apparently that’s enough to get praised about how smart you are, how well you write and the list could go on.
How did it all start, you might be wondering. Well, it started when I was 5. That’s when I discovered that if I tried hard enough and played the annoying child card, I could get a lot of stuff. Especially having parents teach me how to read and write. Not a smart choice, given I was getting bored a lot in my first years in school.
But then the miracle finally happened. I discovered putting my ideas on paper was a lot better than writing homework. I was about 11 or 12 and that discovery kept me quite happy during my spare time and some less interesting classes 🙂 And then fame came along, at about 14, when one of my first novels got to be read by a few teachers and some colleagues. They liked it, I was happy they did.
I then realized it was a stupid novel and dropped it. And that turned into a long period in our relationship – I started to write a novel, gave it to friends and school mates to read it, they loved it, I realized I didn’t like it that much and dropped it. At about 18 I managed to finish a novel. I was really proud of it! A good friend wasted quite a few nights to write it on her computer and I then gave it to my Literature teacher. She was the highest authority I knew in literature critique and I was quite excited and well…I was going out of my mind waiting for her verdict.
She made quite a few comments on the printed papers, gave it back to me and wasn’t smiling. I imagine I looked quite scared or like someone at gunpoint and that must have reminded her to look less icy and say “It’s good, no look for someone to publish it”. But I read it again, after a while and it seemed…not so good after all. I was feeling lonely, depressed and the future of being a famous writer was a lot further from that moment in time than where I saw it a few days before.
That whole feeling disappeared soon, due to my discovering I wanted to be a journalist. Birds were singing, I was in love with writing again. I was going to get accepted by the University of Bucharest and get a BA in Journalism! And so I did, I worked hard to get there, learned quite a few writing techniques, very different from what I knew before.
I still hold journalism on this extremely high pedestal; but I decided sometime in my last year of University it was not the job I wanted to do in Romania. I get the occasional melancholy, but whenever I go over my initial reasons again, I know I was right.
During the Journalism wannabe period, my relationship with writing was not that great as one might think. I was still bitching a lot about now writing short stories and novels anymore. I tried, but really had no inspiration. A quite huge writer’s block!
And then the big break up after deciding journalism was a lost cause for me! Writing tormented me in such a way, I thought I will never find my way back to it. I missed it every moment of every day, I wanted my love affair back, my means of expression, my outlet, proper chambers for my thoughts and ideas.
Three years ago I started a blog. Frequent writing, a lot of experimenting, doubled by technical writing, article writing and marketing and a lot of PR at the day job. No major breakups ever since, no major tragedies. I now clearly see writing and I are already planning to get married. We have decided to work on our problems and find a solution that works best for both of us. And we’re getting there.
It’s been a rough and always surprising ride so far. I am sure it won’t ever get boring or less challenging. I also know writing is always around me. I find my way back to it, no matter under which disguise. I see children in our future, don’t you?